I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
