He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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