if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
