My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
