I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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