Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
