the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
one might say we're banned from that church
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
