Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
