Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
