My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't think brook has ever known best
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
