i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
