So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
