Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
