How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
