Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
