I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
