Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
