I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
