did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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