One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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