Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
