I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
