I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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