I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
