My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
