Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've blown a few things in my day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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