I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
