I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
