apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
