Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
