Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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