My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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