we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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