One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
