enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
