fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
