the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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