if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You're a waste of cheezeits
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
