Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
