hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
