in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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