You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
