A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
