I wannas sexs uuuuu
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
