i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
