I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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