is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
