a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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