Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
