I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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