Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
