She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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